During orientation everyone had a group that was lead by either a Spaniard or a someone who had been with CIEE for several years in Madrid. Their job was to show us the ropes and the city and answer any questions that we have. Lynette was the poor soul who had to answer my endless questions. Despite her American passport Lynette looks traditionally Spanish and speaks like a native which was a perfect combination for toting nine clearly clueless twenty somethings around the city without too much trouble.
On one such outing for lunch our group was sitting around a terrace (which is a confusing term for English speakers since it refers to any outdoor seating, not just something above ground level) drinking our beverages of choice and waiting for tapas to arrive. Conversation lulled so Lynette asked if we had any questions about the city or our upcoming jobs, etc. I had of course (being the kind of human I am) made a list during the morning's presentations for just such an opportunity. Pulling out my notebook, I flipped to my list on the top of which I had written "Safety? Legal to carry?" during a presentation from the US consulate. My thought at the time had only been loosely connected to the speaker but as the professionally dressed woman at the front of the stage had been talking about the nine American citizens currently in Madrid serving six year long drug sentences for passing around a joint, I suddenly panicked that I might have unintentionally already broken the law. No, my trip to Colorado didn't result in any questionable plant substances joining me on my European adventure; I was worried I might be caring a weapon that would land me in jail.
I didn't bring my twenty-two it that's what you're thinking. I'm talking about my Kubaton. Unless people think about it too hard it is just another key chain. It fits in my hand easily, is repetitively inconspicuous, and in the US I carry it everywhere since my keys are attached to it. In an emergency it can be used as a self-defense tool.A women's self defense class I took in high school (it's called RAD and I highly suggest it if anyone is interested) taught me just how incredibly sharp keys can be and how to use that to my advantage. My knuckles were bleeding from the backlash by the end of the day and I would hate to have to see the face of anyone who was actually dumb enough to do something that would provoke me into defending myself. Luckily I have never had to, but Madrid is a lot larger of a city than Soldotna or Bozeman so I packed it along.
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| My Kubaton with real Spanish keys |
Thus I asked Lynette. My phrasing was not as articulate as I wanted it to be but I started out by asking her about how safe the streets are at night and if I should be carrying a knife and if my Kubaton was legal to carry here as an alternative.
Classic beginning teacher mistake. Never ask someone three questions in a row; it will just turn out badly.
She reassured me that there was not a significant amount of violent crime here (I should be more concerned about losing my wallet to a pickpocket!) but fixated on my question about the knife. "Where are you from?" she asked me while she laughed. I explained that I was from Alaska and had never really lived in a big city before (Madrid has a population of 3.1 million people!) and I am a little concerned about being mugged. I told her I didn't bring the knife I usually run with since I wasn't sure it was common or legal to carry, but that I had brought my Kubaton.
At this point most of our group was laughing because apparently normal people who live in cities don't think about these kind of things. I tried to my defend myself by explaining that I know how to deal with the threats that occur where I'm from: moose, bears, large animals. These are all relatively predictable and usually if you aren't stupid you won't have issues. People, on the other hand, are crazy. They do things that make no sense and ultimately seem like a worse threat to a non-city dweller. Especially for a white, English-speaking woman who stands 5'4" and looks like she has about as much arm strength as a snake.
This is the part where people got confused. While I was trying to explain, someone asked me what the heck a Kubaton is. I described it but didn't have it in my purse to show the group exactly what I meant. As the laughter generally died down Lynette assured me that she didn't think I would be arrested for caring it but obviously not to flash it in front of the police. The conversation moved on.
That night after dinner I was chatting with a new friend when the only other Alaskan in our program came up to join us. He flat out asked me if I was intentionally trying to see what I could get people to believe about Alaskans. I was confused and told him that I hadn't pulled any of the typical "I live in an igloo and ride a polar bear to school" stuff. He went on to tell me that apparently there is a rumor going around CIEE that I am a crazy Alaskan woman who fights off bears and moose with a metal stick and my keys.
Yep. People here I think I fight bears and moose with a Kubaton. Bad-ass reputation=unintentionally obtained.
August 12th 2016
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